I grew up with Leave it to Beaver and Perry Mason. All of life’s problems were going to be fixed in 30 minutes while I wore pearls, high heels, a dress and an apron. A husband who came home from work energized and ready to face any challenge. As I grew older, I dreamed of working for a handsome attorney and being his right-hand girl. We would win all of our cases in court and ride off in a convertible to have dinner together.
I did get married, had three children, and did work for attorneys. BUT There were no quick-fixes, no pearls and high heels. There were long hours, sick children, rebellious teenagers, a husband who worked hard and took care of aging parents and had little time at home. I did not work for Perry Mason, we did not win all our cases and there was no riding off in a convertible to have dinner together. There were long hours of typing letters, legal briefs, endless motions with endless revisions. It was daylight-to-dark stuck in a cubicle with a computer and a phone.
Then along came church. It was a lot like watching Leave it to Beaver and Perry Mason. With much effort, I tried to live up to the model presented to me – Christ. I believed, “if it is to be, it’s up to me.” Failure was the only thing I did well. Unable to be authentic, I hid behind the mask of pretense.
Disillusioned and disappointed with life. Failure is what I labeled myself. Disillusionment was my punishment for not getting life right, not working hard enough to be a good Christian, to make my dreams come true.
I have been given a new perspective. It started with a question, “what is an illusion?” I looked up the definition. “Something that deceives by producing a false or misleading impression of reality.” A lie. To live life under the power of an illusion is to be held in bondage. Trapped in a cycle of “try harder, give up, try harder.” Therefore, to be disillusioned is to be set free from falsity. God in His love and goodness desires to disillusion us from the lie of “if it is to be it’s up to me.” It is God’s work, a gift of love, from the One who desires us to be free. “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.” Galatians 5:1. It is His desire we come to see Him as our Source and find Him to be all we need. He indeed is life. “. . . but I [Christ] have come that they may have life and have it abundantly.” John 10:10.
Thank you Father for disillusionment so I can enter into and enjoy Your life abundant!